Monte's Christmas Movie Sounds

It's a Wonderful Life

A Christmas Story

Miracle on 34th Street

Ernest Saves Christmas

Counterpoint: negative Christmas references in other movies


The Manchurian Candidate

The Thin Man

Home for the Holidays

This is intended to be an ad hoc review of movie dialog from Christmas movies (and movies with Christmas references). These are lines, or exchanges, of dialog that I find stick with me, and contribute to my coming back to these films again and again, year after year. This presentation is intended only as cinematic criticism (and is therefore fair use under copyright law).

These were all sampled in mono, 8 bits, and they're are all .wav files. For each, I've provided the length in seconds and the size of the .wav file.

   Check out my sounds from other (non-Christmas) movies!   

It's a Wonderful Life

     "Sentimental hogwash!"


     "Oh, I don't mean any disrespect to him, God rest his soul, he was a man of high ideals -- so called."


     "Here it is: help wanted, female."


     "You know what the three most exciting sounds in the world are?"
     "Uh huh -- breakfast is served, lunch is served, dinner--"
     "No, no, no, no -- anchor chains, plane motors, and train whistles."


     "My wild Irish Rose -- [CRASH] -- I'm all right, I'm all right -- the sweetest flower I ..."


     "No, but you're thinking of this place all wrong, as if I have the money back in a safe. The money's not here. Well, your money's in Joe's house, that's right next to yours. And in the Kennedy house, and Mrs. Makelin's house, and a hundred others. You're lending them the money to build, and then they're going to pay it back to you as best they can. Now, what're you going to do, foreclose on them?"
     "I got $242 in here, and $242 isn't going to break anybody."


     "Now listen, I beg of you not to do this thing."


     "Bread, that this house may never know hunger. Salt, that life may always have flavor."
     "And wine, that joy and prosperity may reign forever!"


     "The Bailey family's been a boil on my neck long enough!"


     "I am an old man and most people hate me -- but I don't like them either so that makes it all equal."


     "Take during the Depression, for instance. You and I were the only ones that kept our heads. You saved the building and loan, and I saved all the rest."
     "Yeah, well, most people say you stole all the rest."
     "The envious ones say that, George, the suckers."


     "No, no, now wait a minute here. I don't need 24 hours, I don't have to talk to anybody, I know right now, and the answer's no, NO! Doggonit. You sit around here and you spin your little webs and you think the whole world revolves around you and your money. Well it doesn't, Mr. Potter. In the whole vast configuration of things, I'd say you were nothing but a scurvy little spider. And that goes for you, too!"


     "Look at you. You used to be so cocky. You were going to go out and conquer the world. You once called me a warped, frustrated old man. What are you but a warped, frustrated young man? A miserable little clerk, crawling in here on your hands and knees and begging for help."


     "It's this old house. I don't know why we don't all have pneumonia. Drafty old barn of a place, it's like growing up living in a refrigerator. Why do we have to live here in the first place, and stay around this measly, crummy old town?"
     "George, what's wrong?"
     "Wrong? Everything's wrong. You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?"


     "Hey look, mister, we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint atmosphere, is that clear? Or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?"


     "Your brother, Harry Bailey, broke through the ice and drowned at the age of nine."
     "It's a lie! Harry Bailey went to war! He got the Congressional Medal of Honor! He saved the lives of every man on that transport!"
     "Every man on that transport died! Harry wasn't there to save them because you weren't there to save Harry!"


     "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"


     "You see, George, you've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?"


     "Clarence! Clarence! Help me, Clarence! Get me back! Get me back, I don't care what happens to me! Get me back to my wife and kids! Help me, Clarence, please! Please! I want to live again! I want to live again! I want to live again! Please, God, let me live again!"


     "Ha ha ha haaa! My mouth's bleeding, Bert! My mouth's bleeding! Zuzu's petals, Zuzu's -- there they are! Bert, what do you know about that?!? Merry Christmas!"


     "Hey! Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter!"
     "Happy New Year to you, in jail! Go on home, they're waiting for you!"


     "Well, hello Mr. bank examiner! How are--"
     "Mr. Bailey, there's a deficit."
     "I know -- 8 thousand dollars!"
     "George, I've got a little paper here--"
     "I'll bet it's a warrant for my arrest -- isn't it wonderful? I'm going to jail! Merry Christmas -- reporters -- where's Mary?"


A Christmas Story

     "Ah, but no matter: Christmas was on its way. Lovely, glorious, beautiful, Christmas, around which the entire kid-year revolved."


     "Downtown Holman was prepared for its yearly bacchanalia of peace on earth and good will to men."


     "Ah, there it is! The holy grail of Christmas gifts, the Red Ryder 200-shot range-model air rifle! And there he is, Red Ryder himself. In his hand was the knurled stock of as cooly deadly looking a piece of weaponry as ever I had laid eyes on."


     "I could feel the Christmas noose beginning to tighten."


     "Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas?"
     "Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out:"
     "I want an official Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot range-model air rifle ... ooooh."
     "No, you'll shoot you eye out."
     "Oh no, it was the classic mother bb-gun block, you'll shoot your eye out. That deadly phrase uttered many times before by hundreds of mothers was not surmountable by any means known to kid-dom."


     "Mothers know nothing about creeping marauders burrowing through the snow toward the kitchen, where only you and you alone stand between your tiny huddled family and insensate evil."


     "What've we got here, folks?"
     "Well, we figure it's Black Bart, Ralph."
     "Well, it's just me and my trusty old Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot range-model air rifle. Lucky I got a compass in the stock."


     "Some men are Babtists, others Catholics -- my father was an Oldsmobile man."
     "Son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!"


     "Ah, blast it, [incomprehensible shouts]"
     "In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan." [incomprehensible shouts]"


     "You're full of beans, and so's your old man."
     "Oh yeah?"
     "Says who?"
     "Says me."
     "Oh yeah?"
     "Well I double-dare you."
     "The exact exchange and nuance of phrase in this ritual is very important."
     "Huh. Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb."
     "That's because you know it'll stick."
     "You're full of it."
     "Oh yeah?"
     "Well I double-dog-dare you."
     "Now it was serious. A double-dog dare. What else was left but a triple-dare-you, and finally, the coup-de-grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare."
     "I triple-dog-dare you!"
     "Hmm, Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple-dare and going right for the throat."
     "Alright, alright."


     "Now, I know that some of you put Flick up to this. But, he has refused to say who. But those who did it, know their blame. And I'm sure that the guilt you feel is far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don't you feel remose for what you have done? Well, that's all I'm going to say about poor Flick."
     "Adults love to say things like that, but kids know better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught."


     "Now boys and girls, I'm going to give you an assignment. I want you to write ... a theme. [moans]"


     "In the jungles of kid-dom, the mind switches gears rapidly."


     "Meatloaf smeatloaf, double beatloaf, I hate meatloaf!"


     "'Fra-gi-le' -- it must be Italian!"
     "I think that says 'fragile,' honey."
     "Oh, yeah."


     "Only one thing in the world could have dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window."


     "My old man's spare tires were actually only tires in the academic sense -- they were round, they had once been made of rubber."


     "Oh fudge!"
     "Only I didn't say fudge, I said the word. The big one. The queen mother of dirty words. The F-dash-dash-dash word."


     "Over the years, I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmalive had a nice piquant after-dinner flavor -- heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Lifebouy, on the other hand..."


     "Where did you hear that word?"
     "Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium -- a master!"


     "The old man stood quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was:"
     "Not a fingah!"


     "Randy. Hey. What's the matter? Whatcha crying for?"
     "Daddy's going to kill Ralphie."
     "No he's not."
     "Yes he is too!"
     "No he's not. I promise you, Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie."


     "Let's face it, most of us were scoffers. But in the moments before zero-hour, it did not pay to take chances."


     "Come on up, come on up! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! And what's your name, little boy?"


     "Well, did you, did you see Santa Claus?"
     "Did you tell him what you wanted for Christmas?"
     "Did he ask you if you've been a good boy all year?"
     "Don't worry, he knows -- he always knows."


     "[screams] Hold it! Don't anybody move! Hold it right there! A fuse is out!"
     "The old man could replace fuses faster than a jackrabbit on a date. He bought them by the gross."


     "Chistmas had come, officially. We plunged into the cornucopia, quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice."


     "Sonsabitches! Bumpuses!"


     "The heavenly aroma still hung heavy in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches, no turkey salad, no turkey gravy, turkey hash, turkey a la king, or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, all gone!"


     "Deck the hawrs with bawrs of hawry, fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra. Tis the season to be jawry, fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra."
     "No no no no no! Not ra ra ra ra ra, la la la la la. Sing like this: Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la. Try again."
     "Deck the hawrs with bawrs of hawry, fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra. Tis the seas-"
     "Stop stop stop stop stop. Sing something else."
     "Jingre bewrs, jingre bewrs, jingre awr the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open srweigh."
     "No no no no, stop stop stop stop."


     "Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue steel beauty, the greatest Christmas gift I had ever received, or would ever receive. Gradually I drifted off to sleep, pranging ducks on the wing and getting off spectacular hip shots."


Miracle on 34th Street

     "I'm sorry, the store isn't open today, and I just--."
     "Oh, I don't want to buy anything, and I'm sorry to interrupt you in your work, but I wanted to tell you that you're making a rather serious mistake."
     "With the reindeer, I mean. You've got Cupid where Blitzen should be. And Dasher, oh, Dasher should be on my right hand side."
     "He should, huh?"
     "Yes, yes. Oh, and another thing -- Donner's antlers have got four points instead of three -- still, I don't suppose anyone would notice that except myself."
     "No, I don't suppose so."
     "Well, bye."
     "Not at all."
     "Glad to have helped you. Bye."


     "Yeah, there's a lot of bad 'isms floating around this world, but one of the worst is commercialism. Make a buck, make a buck. Even in Brooklyn it's the same."


     "I'm sorry, but it's just that I couldn't see any harm in just saying hello to the old fellow."
     "But I think there is harm. I tell her Santa Claus is a myth, and you bring her down her and she sees hundreds of gullible children, meets a very convincing old man with real whiskers. This sets up a very harmful mental conflict within her. What is she going to think -- who is she going to believe? And by filling them full of fairy tales, they grow up considering life a fantasy instead of a reality. They keep waiting for Prince Charming to come along -- and when he does he turns out to be a-"
     "We were talking about Suzie, not about you."


     "Now do you understand?"
     "Yes, I see what you mean, Mother."
     "But when he spoke Dutch to that girl, he was so-"
     "Susan, I speak French, but that doesn't make me Joan of Arc."


     "Why, we'd love to have Santa Claus come and stay with us. Um hmm -- I think it would be simply charming!"


     "I intend to prove that Mr. Kringle is Santa Claus."
     "He's crazy, too!"


     "These last few days, we've talked about some wonderful plans. And then you go on an idealistic binge. You give up your job, you throw away all your security, and then you expect me to be happy about it!"


     "Your honor. Every one of these letters is addressed to Santa Claus. The Post Office has delivered them. Therefore, the Post Office Department -- a branch of the federal government -- recognizes this man, Kris Kringle, to be the one and only Santa Claus."
     "Since the United States government declares this man to be Santa Claus, this court will not dispute it. Case dismissed."


Ernest Saves Christmas

     "Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree..."


     "I have lived my life in the fast lane -- I have an almost supernatural feel for the road beneath my tires."


     "Ahhh, smell those Christmas trees. You can keep your channel number 5 [sic], just give me a whiff of the old lonesome pine -- that symbol of brotherly love, that centerpiece that all mankind gathers around, to share the cranberry sauce shaped like a can."


     "You know, I don't tell many people this, but Christmas is just about my favorite time. Ever since I was a little kid, I always felt like it was my own personal holiday. I am at one with the yuletide, know what I mean?"


     "That's life for you: you have two sons, one good one bad, and wouldn't you know it, with my luck, the good one dies."


     "Nobody moves, nobody dies."



     "Christmas. Christmas dinner. Dinner means death. Death means carnage. CHRISTMAS MEANS CARNAGE!!!"


     The Manchurian Candidate

     "Twelve days of Christmas. One day of Christmas is loathesome enough!"


     The Thin Man

     "I can't lie here, I've got to get up and trim that darn Christmas tree. Ooh!"


     "The next person who says merry Christmas to me, I'll kill 'em!"


     Home for the Holidays

     "Ah, sh-t! Deck the halls. I can't wait for g-d d-mn Christmas!"


   Check out my sounds from other (non-Christmas) movies!